I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
