I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
