Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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