i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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