I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
