He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
