I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize