dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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