Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
