Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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