So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dignity is for republicans.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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