I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
