dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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