mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
