Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
