I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm jealous of your bromance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
someone owes me an orgasm
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
