And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize