The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize