Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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