so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
