My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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