yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
