and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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