Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
