Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
