At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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