Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
