shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
