My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
