I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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