Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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