you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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