Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
