Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
