I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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