somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
