dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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