I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
