if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
