I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
