Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
