peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
