meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
