He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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