How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
