Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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