peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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