well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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