We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
