i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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