My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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