I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
