Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
