It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
