I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
