Apparently you make a good broom.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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