How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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