Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
