i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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