i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
