I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
