There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
