Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
