In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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