That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
