i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
