Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
