Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
