I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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