i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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