Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
