Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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